Томми с Камелиями, современная пьеса в двух действиях

torontoru — 25.09.2019 подписался недавно на новый телефон вкупе с двухгодичным контрактом у фиды, где состою пострадавшим аж с 2007 года.
в данном случае я купил ипхоне, но не напрямую у фиды, а в аппле сторе, как и было рекомендовано их представителем в чатике на сайте.

увидев волшебные 35 рублей за hardware upgrade (то есть, вставление сим-карты в новое дупло), я возгорел пламенем отмщенья. висеть на телефоне в ожидании "вечного ноль-семь" я не люблю, да и ухо потом отваливается, поэтому рванул сразу в тот же чатик, а там  - чмоки розовым, и всё такое.

привожу беседу полностью, ибо уверен, что может пригодиться другим таким же крохоборам и скупидомам, как я.

Томми с Камелиями
или
Жадность не порок
пьеса в двух действиях по мотивам искусственного интеллекта и обоюдоострой жадности

действие первое
на пустой сцене появляется сотрудник службы поддержки Томми, в руках он держит распечатанные на матричном принтере скрипты для общения с клиентами. вздыхая садится на стул

Tommy3:10 PM
Fido LiveANSWERS™ My name is Tommy. How are you doing today? :)
Tommy3:10 PM
Apologise for the long wait, now that I'm here, allow me a few moments to read your previous inquiry with our robot Jack :)
ALEKSEY3:12 PM
Hi Tommy
ALEKSEY3:12 PM
no prob
Tommy3:12 PM
Hi Aleksey!
ALEKSEY3:12 PM
qq
Tommy3:12 PM
What was your specific inquiry for me today? :)
ALEKSEY3:13 PM
can you find my account?
ALEKSEY3:13 PM
514 999 9999
Tommy3:13 PM
Yes!
Tommy3:13 PM
I am currently accessed to it now.
ALEKSEY3:13 PM
i just changed the plan and found a strange line in my current month bill
ALEKSEY3:14 PM
can you see these 35$ for "setup service fee"?
ALEKSEY3:14 PM
please delete it from the bill because it was mentioned nowhere in my document regarding new 2 years plan I opted for
ALEKSEY3:15 PM
neither during our conversation with your colleague when I was asking about this option
ALEKSEY3:15 PM
so, it would be fair enough simply to excluse this fee I was never aware of
Tommy3:18 PM
When did you speak to an agent regarding the change, Aleksey, if I may ask?
ALEKSEY3:19 PM
Fri, Sep 6, 1:45 PM
ALEKSEY3:19 PM
Shawna1:42 PM My name is Shawna and your confirmation for this is I1392583472
ALEKSEY3:21 PM
I also got a 6-page FIDO account change confirmation doc which has no mention about it
Tommy3:22 PM
All upgrades done over an agent have an associated a $35 setup service fee with it. Since this was done over the call, we don't know exactly what was said, unless this was a chat. However, allow me the time to take a look into it please.
ALEKSEY3:23 PM
this WAS a chat
ALEKSEY3:23 PM
and i did not have a terms-based plan before, so there is no early cancelation
ALEKSEY3:24 PM
in any way you have to clearly aware your client to avoid bad surprise. it is unpleasant to me to spend again my time to convince you that it is not fair towards your client since 2007!!
Tommy3:25 PM
When did you order the phone, Aleksey? Was this through an agent?
ALEKSEY3:26 PM
i bought it at the apple store after clarifying all details with an agent in this chat
ALEKSEY3:27 PM
Sep 6, 2019
Tommy3:27 PM
I see.
Tommy3:27 PM
So if I may clarify, did you purchase the Fido phone at the Apple store?
ALEKSEY3:29 PM
yep
ALEKSEY3:30 PM
precisely i bought an Apple iPhone with 2-years term plan from FIDO
ALEKSEY3:30 PM
I confirmed everything in this chat BEFORE buying it
Tommy3:32 PM
If I may ask, have you received an email confirmation from Apple regarding the phone agreement?
ALEKSEY3:33 PM
i got Fido account change confirmation #A9B0C9D4E4F1G3H1I8
Tommy3:33 PM
Not that one, but the one from Apple?
ALEKSEY3:34 PM
hm... i doubt if I ever got anything from their part
ALEKSEY3:34 PM
why?
Tommy3:34 PM
The agreement details including the $35 transaction fee are listed in the agreement confirmation email given from Apple.
ALEKSEY3:35 PM
maybe but never did i get anything about that nor explained
Tommy3:35 PM
That responsibility would have fallen unto the Apple employee though
Tommy3:35 PM
Otherwise, it is stated in the agreement for all written proof
ALEKSEY3:35 PM
and why are we talking about Apple if I got this fee from FIDO??
Tommy3:37 PM
This is because the phone was received in the Apple store, and the Apple employee sent you the agreement terms and conditions regarding this.
ALEKSEY3:39 PM
so, you want to say that confirming the prices with your agent in this chat does not guarantee the same prices at the apple store?
ALEKSEY3:39 PM
I went to the store as was suggested to find the particular model
ALEKSEY3:40 PM
I find it confusing
Tommy3:40 PM
No, as the agreement with Fido with the phone is stated and fully listed in the agreement details
ALEKSEY3:41 PM
exactly what I say: no matter how much time I spend on conversation with you here in the chat, I have to revise everything at a store to double-check the price and other conditions.
ALEKSEY3:42 PM
you`d probably clarify this confusing point with your stores and the chat teams in order not to confuse your customers
ALEKSEY3:42 PM
now I feel fooled because I missed something during all these steps
Tommy3:49 PM
I understand your concerns, seeing how the upgrade was done directly in an Apple Store, I do not have the documents pertaining to the upgrade. I would suggest reviewing the documents sent to you by Apple or return to the Apple store regarding this $35 transaction fee.
ALEKSEY3:51 PM
your customer service is not consistent and it depends on some factors your customer can only guess
ALEKSEY3:52 PM
it is not good on such a competitve market. so you simply don;t care about my issue by inviting me to investigate it at my own nevertheless you asked me to pay directly to FIDO
ALEKSEY3:53 PM
can you discuss it with your supervisor because I don;t like the idea to go back to the apple store and find a path in this labyrinth
Tommy3:53 PM
Sure thing. Allow me to transfer your chat to a supervisor to clarify the full details.
ALEKSEY3:56 PM
ok
Tommy4:08 PM
Thanks for waiting Aleksey!
Tommy4:08 PM
Your chat will be now transfered to a supervisor.
Tommy4:09 PM
I hope that everything gets cleared up shortly, and that you have a fantastic rest of the day. Take care :)
You are being transferred, please hold for the next available representative

тьма поглощает Томми, листы скриптов опадают на сцену

действие второе
на сцене появляется Камелия, менеджер  в белой рубашке с закатанными по локоть рукавами, на груди и руках видны следы свежей крови, на правой руке татуировка sales piranha 2012.

Camelia4:10 PM
Hi, my name is Camelia from Fido's supervisors team. Thank yiou so much for your patience, I know you had to wait to be escalated.
Camelia4:10 PM
Although, how's your day so far?
ALEKSEY4:11 PM
was good until i found this line in my bill
Camelia4:11 PM
no worries you reached the right person, what fee exactly do you want to review?
ALEKSEY4:12 PM
honestly I do not want to review it, i want to delete it from my bill
ALEKSEY4:13 PM
everything was explained to your colleague Tommy in the chat forwarded to you
Camelia4:13 PM
I see, let me review the previous chat, just a moment
Camelia4:18 PM
I do understand that the 35$ transaction fee wasn't included in the confirmation email you received after changing the plan. this fee gets charged after completing a hardware upgrade not after changing the plan. The fee is mentioned on the 2 year term you signed and agreed upon on the agreement given at the apple store
ALEKSEY4:21 PM
as i said to Tommy
ALEKSEY4:21 PM
exactly what I say: no matter how much time I spend on conversation with you here in the chat, I have to revise everything at a store to double-check the price and other conditions. ALEKSEY3:42 PM you`d probably clarify this confusing point with your stores and the chat teams in order not to confuse your customers ALEKSEY3:42 PM now I feel fooled because I missed something during all these steps
ALEKSEY4:22 PM
so it could have been 350$ instead of 35$
ALEKSEY4:22 PM
it could have been clarily explained to me
Camelia4:23 PM
I'm not sure I understand your point of view if you could please clarify it
ALEKSEY4:23 PM
that is why I hesitated so long to sign any agreement with you because there is always some trap
ALEKSEY4:23 PM
i asked the guy from FIDO in the chat, what will be my costs if I buy it, he confirmed one thing
Camelia4:24 PM
i can see that your account has been active since 2007, fido always charges transactional fees with an agreement and I can see that this isn't your first one
ALEKSEY4:24 PM
when I bought it at the apple store, it turned additional fees to me
ALEKSEY4:24 PM
i am not talking about charges themselves
ALEKSEY4:24 PM
i am talking about bad customer experience
ALEKSEY4:25 PM
it is easy to explain what a client is going to pay
ALEKSEY4:25 PM
instead I got this bad surprise
ALEKSEY4:25 PM
do you understand? it is not about price it is about how you work with your customers
Camelia4:26 PM
i understand and it is why we do mention the fee on your agreement to be sure you review it before it's signed
ALEKSEY4:26 PM
ans saying that "at the apple store is a different story" simply confirms that you don't provide a consistent customer service
Camelia4:27 PM
I see your point of view, although we are not forming Apple store agents our agents do make sure to go through every point in the agreement
ALEKSEY4:28 PM
exactly you do not ensure the same user experience and it made me unhappy
ALEKSEY4:28 PM
that i sit
ALEKSEY4:29 PM
that is it, sorry for mistyping
Camelia4:29 PM
we can't be responsible to how Apple forms its employees, if ever in the future you will need a new upgrade I would recommend you complete it at a Fido store just to avoid any situation as such.
ALEKSEY4:30 PM
so I am not challenging your policy about the fee - it is up to you to decide if you want to be competive on the market charging your customers for "the hardware upgrade"
ALEKSEY4:31 PM
I am not satisfied with your way of segregating your customers by your own stores and others
Camelia4:31 PM
the hardware fee sir is a mandatory free that we have been implying for quite some time, I do see that this isn't your first upgrade
Camelia4:32 PM
we don't adjust the fee
Camelia4:32 PM
you can upgrade online in the future to save on it
ALEKSEY4:32 PM
if ever in the future i will need a new upgrade, I use your peice of advice for sure and find another provider who really cares about me
Camelia4:32 PM
to save the transaction fee on it
ALEKSEY4:33 PM
i would have upgraded it if I could
ALEKSEY4:33 PM
in fact the agent in the chat told me that you did not have a particular iphone model and i`d better go to a store
ALEKSEY4:34 PM
i usually do my purchases online. this is another point to consider to improve
Camelia4:34 PM
I understand that it wasn't available on our end anymore
ALEKSEY4:34 PM
if you care
Camelia4:35 PM
this isn't about how we care about you that fee can't be adjusted, let me take a look if there's anything else I can do
ALEKSEY4:35 PM
i don;t mind to pay for what was said, but i dont`love these old-school tricks with fine prints in agreements
ALEKSEY4:36 PM
once again i feel fooled
Camelia4:36 PM
it actually isn't really in the fine print the fee is mentioned to be sure our customers are aware of it
ALEKSEY4:37 PM
i shared my experience and my feeling
ALEKSEY4:37 PM
and i got an answer from you "we are not responsible"
Camelia4:38 PM
I understand I will definitely keep that in mind for our upcoming meeting to find ways to make the agreement clearer.
ALEKSEY4:38 PM
so you have two options here: to try to fix the issue or let it go and have a dissatisfied client who can spread a word
Camelia4:39 PM
I can't adjust the fee, although I can give you a bill credit towards the upgrade you completed as a loyalty offer
Camelia4:39 PM
I can apply a 35$ credit on the bill
ALEKSEY4:39 PM
i am not a consultant to provide your with conseils for your future business meetings. I simply care about myself
Camelia4:39 PM
it won't include taxes
ALEKSEY4:39 PM
now it sounds better
Camelia4:40 PM
so you are responsible about the taxes on the 35$ fee
ALEKSEY4:40 PM
deal
ALEKSEY4:40 PM
just surprised why it still takes so much time to settle such a simple issue... nothing is going chanfe at FIDO
Camelia4:41 PM
happy I was able to help
ALEKSEY4:41 PM
so am I
Camelia4:41 PM
anything else I can assist you with today?
ALEKSEY4:41 PM
no. that is it
Camelia4:41 PM
perfect, thank you so much and have agreat day
ALEKSEY4:41 PM
so do you
ALEKSEY4:42 PM
when are you going to make it happen?
Camelia4:42 PM
your account balance is now 85.40$ to be paid before the 10.14.2019
ALEKSEY4:42 PM
great. thanks

Камелия переворачивает страницу в броузере и уползает во тьму.

на опускающемся занавесе разноцветными огнями сверкает надпись
DEATH and TAXES
конец

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