Немного юмора от Филлис Диллер (на англ.яз.)
feed-the-kid — 16.01.2014 Филлис Диллер (англ. Phyllis Diller, урождённая Филлис Эйда Драйвер (англ. Phyllis Ada Driver); 17 июля 1917 — 20 августа 2012) — американская комедийная актриса, одна из первых женщин-комиков на американском телевидении.- Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own
age. As your beauty fades, so will his
eyesight.
- Housework can't kill you, but why take a
chance?
- Cleaning your house while your kids are still
growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops
snowing.
- The reason women don't play football is because 11
of them would never wear the same outfit in
public.
- Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat
out.
- A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake
once.
- I want my children to have all the things I
couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with
them.
- Most children threaten at times to run away from
home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents
going.
- Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without
an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
- We spend the first twelve months of our children's
lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years
telling them to sit down and shut up.
- Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his
room.
- What I don't like about office Christmas parties is
looking for a job the next day.
- The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I
accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
- His finest hour lasted a minute and a
half.
- Old age is when the liver spots show through your
gloves.
- My photographs don't do me justice - they just look
like me.
- I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My
boyfriend lives forty miles away.
- Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on
the bottle - keep away from children.
- I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said,
'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
- The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head
down is so you can't see him laughing.
- You know you're old if they have discontinued your
blood type.